Leading with Love: Lessons from a Weekend Backpacking in the Holy Cross Wilderness

I began spending time outdoors with my dad when I was just nine years old. We hiked all over Southern California together. At 16 years old in 2021 I went on a 30-day backpacking trip with NOLS (National Outdoor Leadership School), and just three weeks later, my dad and I spent a weekend backpacking in Sequoia National Park. Accidentally leaving my boots at home, I hiked 18 miles in 36 hours in Crocs. Imagine my delight when I overheard my dad telling my mom that I finally may have surpassed him in my backpacking abilities, even in shoes made of resin.

Last weekend was the first time Liv or myself had ever led our own backpacking trip. Backpacking is one of those activities where there is always more to learn, and it can be difficult to gauge your own skill level. Even with my extensive childhood experiences outside, and two years of Squatters under my belt, I still completely doubted my abilities in the week leading up to the trip. Liv repeatedly assured me that I was capable, but the imposter syndrome that so many women struggle with took over me. I was watching YouTube videos about camp stoves and how to use a satellite phone the night before, very well knowing how both work.

After sundown, sitting around the sizable rock we had just cooked dinner on, we turned our headlamps off and looked at the stars. Liv led the group in a meditation, reminding us to listen to our bodies after our long hike, and I took my first conscious deep breath of the day. My muscles relaxed, and I only then became truly present with the group of women we sat with. Their supportiveness had carried me through the hike. We together shouted positive affirmations through short, labored breaths in the final half-mile stretch around 12,200 feet. We took turns carrying heavier gear and spoke up for each other when breaks were needed. They enthusiastically trusted me to make decisions on behalf of the group. Members delegated tasks to each other, “you set up the tent, and I’ll fill your Nalgene and start some Aquamira”. Each Squatter was dedicated to making the experience as comfortable and fulfilling for each other as they were for themselves.

What a beautiful thing, to be a part of a group where each person’s success is as important as their own; We grow the most when everyone grows together. Throughout the day, many of them had been learning from me. As we passed cairns on the trail, I explained their purpose. Many in the group had never seen, or heard of, a pika or a marmot, and we saw many of each near the top of the pass. I showed those who were interested how to use a GPS, and gave tips on how to read topography. But, at this moment, I concluded how much I learned from them. Nine miles with these people taught me a great deal about womanhood, empowerment, leadership, communication, collaboration, and love.

There is a universal understanding among women and gender-diverse folk that we thrive when we are given a space to be exclusively together, without competition. On the Squatters board, I am constantly leading, teaching, and learning all at once.

The outdoors is a constant in my life; it allows me to reflect on my journey. Last weekend left me with a huge feeling of pride for the girl I’ve become. I couldn’t be more stoked to lead another backpacking trip again soon.

-Haley

Inclusivity Coordinator @ Backcountry Squatters CU

Bakcountry Squatters Nonprofit Intern

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