Finding My Place in the Outdoors: A Journey of Growth Through Backcountry Squatters

My name is Ella Richards and I am a junior at the University of Utah studying graphic design and marketing. I may not be studying parks, recreation, and tourism, or geology, but I have so much love for the outdoors. I grew up doing small backpacking trips with my dad, hiking, fishing with my plastic Barbie fishing pole, and collecting southern Utah moqui marbles. My family never really participated in outdoor activities that required lots of training or gear, we just did our best to be outside as much as possible and enjoy Mother Nature. So, when I came to the University of Utah and I was suddenly surrounded by a lot of people who were more experienced and knowledgeable than me, it was exciting, but a bit scary. I was a girl who loved being outside and wanted to start trying new outdoor activities but wasn’t sure how or where to start. So, when I found Backcountry Squatters I was excited to have finally found a group of validating women to help me on my outdoor journey.

After finding the club, I was presented with the opportunity to go on a short women’s canyoneering trip with Backcountry Squatters, the Women’s Outdoor Leadership Initiative, and Canyoneering Chicks. I had never done canyoneering before and didn’t have much experience rock climbing, so this trip felt a bit intimidating. But despite my anxiety, I found comfort in the fact that I would be surrounded by supportive women who had a range of experience levels. There would be professionals to guide me as well as beginners to learn with me.

As a woman, I feel like I often feel pressure to be extremely proficient in any outdoor activities that I participate in. I don’t often see opportunities for growth or the acceptance of beginners. This pressure and expectation can be discouraging and make women feel insufficient in the outdoor community. Everyone has to start somewhere, and not everyone is going to be a natural right off the bat. No one should have to feel embarrassed for needing to learn new skills or wanting to try out new categories of outdoor activity. This is why encouragement and support is so important in the outdoor community, especially for women. It was during this first canyoneering workshop that I was finally able to feel that support for the first time.

This trip provided an entirely different outdoor atmosphere than what I was used to. I was finally in a space where I felt safe to experiment, have fun, and learn. It was incredibly empowering to rappel down huge canyons thanks to my rapidly improving skills and the existing expertise of my new friends. I ended up having a great experience despite being a beginner and frequently needing to ask for help. I no longer felt embarrassed for being a beginner canyoneer, I felt powerful because I recognized that I was strong for being willing to try something new and scary. The experience ended up being overwhelmingly positive because I felt supported in my learning instead of feeling like I was incompetent because of my lower skill set. I left the trip feeling confident in my outdoor skills and optimistic about my potential.

I applied for the Backcountry Squatters Scholarship for Outdoor Education thinking I didn’t stand a chance since I was new to the club and lacked a lot of outdoor skills. However, I knew that applying for the scholarship could potentially give me the chance to expand on my canyoneering knowledge. To my surprise, I was offered the scholarship, which provided me with the money to sign up for an introductory canyoneering course at the University of Utah. I was really excited to have an uplifting experience similar to what I had back at the beginning of the year. I expected similar levels of encouragement from the course and also thought that since I had now done a few canyons, I would have a little bit of a leg up and feel more comfortable in a classroom setting. However, upon attending the info sessions and the actual trip itself, I realized very quickly that the feelings I was having were very different. I felt myself drift back to a place of insignificance because I was primarily surrounded by experienced male climbers.

These emotions were hard to understand because all of the people around me were kind, but for some reason that pressure for perfection, which was absent during the women’s trip, resurfaced. The fall canyoneering trip was successful and I did have a good time, but the trip more acted as a moment of clarity for me. It showed me how easy it is to fall back into the shadows when you are surrounded by people more experienced than you, and it also revealed to me what I value and need in my outdoor education.

This experience showed me how beneficial it can be for me to have a female space in my backcountry learning. This female space is something that Backcountry Squatters has provided me with and they have also shown me how to be proud of my beginner knowledge instead of ashamed. Attending all-female events and activities has shown me that I can get my foot in the door and take things one step at a time. I don’t need to feel embarrassed for trying new things and for not being good at them immediately.

I am so grateful for the scholarship that I was awarded because it provided me with the opportunity to go on that canyoneering course in the fall. I think without that experience, I would not have come to appreciate this club and the women of the outdoors as much as I do today. Both of my canyoneering courses have inspired me to continue to learn and to continue to grow as a woman in the outdoors. I want to continue canyoneering as well as branch into other new sports. I am more comfortable in the unknown than I ever have been, and I now know that there is a space for everyone outside (even for curious beginners such as myself).

 –Ella, BCS Scholarship for Outdoor Education Recipient

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